T2 thoughts on being a guy

Greetings everyone!

It's interesting to see some views on here. I don't know whether or not they're bots or if they're the real deal, but it encourages me to post more on this blog. Lately, I've been feeling so unmotivated. I don't know why or what is causing this huge feeling of negativity but I hope it clears up soon.
I've been pondering a lot on the idea of being a man. Strange right? Back in the 60's or so, that idea would have been considered a "mental illness" and I would have been put in some mental asylum to rot for the rest of my life. (Thank goodness for this generation's  open minded view on freedom of expression) Anyways, back to the point. I've honestly had these feelings that I'm actually a guy in a woman's body. Maybe or maybe not. It really does make me wonder.

 Would it have greatly changed my relationship with my girlfriend? (another story to be told some other day)

Would I have been more outgoing?

 more courageous?

Would my parents be proud?

 Would I live a life knowing that men have more of an advantage in the working force?

All these other thoughts come into mind and lead up to this one idea: I want to be a guy.

I don't know most of the time what I want. I'm so uncertain.

I often reflect on what the outcomes would be if I were to transition from this feminine body.

My mother and maybe my family would reject me knowing that coming out gay was difficult.

Then again, I'd be happy. I'd be free. Also, I'd feel like me.

Society would find me disgusting. Religious people would condemn me to hell.

I'd have a body I'd feel so comfortable in

Costs of  T-shots and surgery

Girlfriend would be able to marry me... Maybe..?

All these thoughts all these thoughts.

Never realized how hard it would be to be who you really want to be.

Sigh.

Liberation comes at a high price. But is it worth it all?