Secret life of an alter ego online

Everyday I wake up and play this game called "The world of magic"- and every time that I play this game, I slowly but deeply find myself falling in love with a girl who knows not my true existence as a girl but only my alter ego as a boy named "Jakob". 

This is the story of how a girl fell in love with a girl online through a video game.  

Day 1:

I never really had an intention to date someone online through a video game. I was always more of a person who would just focus on the schematics of a game- leveling up, killing monsters, and adventuring my heart's content. Yeah, that's just me. In real life, I'm this loser who is more focused on the virtual life of a game than real life. It always bored me yknow? I found that the real life was too much of a bore- too much drama, too much shit that happens when you don't expect it, and just too much of everything. 

I felt as if the virtual world of video games and social media was an escape for me. 

Maybe that's why I decided to be a boy online.

-

I decided that I'll be doing random collages and such. Random thoughts. Random poetry. Random everything.

the city is man's urban jungle

lonely girl

there stood a girl

the weather so

cold and chilly her breath

flew into the air 

disappearing and fading 

away her breath touched 

the grey skies

Lonely was the girl

who stood near the lamp

the darkness of the street

as she flashed her legs

her busty chest

her intoxicating pink lipstick

on her delicate lips

so fresh so tensed

there she stood

in a busy yet lonely street

she calls her own

putting aside her dreams

to be inspiring and to see

what should have been

if not for poverty

for inequality

for pain

for sorrow

for rape

for loneliness

away she threw her dreams

into the cold winter air

as she took her bag

and sold her dignity away

alone was the girl

who dreamt of seeing the world

alas she could only see

the dreary bed

the cold bed sheets

the husky smell

of another man 

bit by bit 

she wanders alone

walking the streets she calls..

her new home

with shame in her bag

her dignity shattering to pieces

she cries silently into the night

letting her self go

lonely was the girl

on 13th street

a girl who achieved straight A's

a girl who was loved 

a girl who wanted to become more

a lonely girl so broken

healing was too far

too slow

lonely was the girl

and to this day

she walks the streets

of shattered memories

her breath fading into dusk

her lipstick smeared

mascara dripping

through thick cut tears

lonely was the girl

lonely was forever her world

3/4/2014

Sometimes i feel im not myself anymore. Sometimes I feel confident about myself. Sometimes i just purely doubt my existence. The past previous days Ive been in this self loathing stage, becoming forgetful, and having this feeling of doing nothing. My days pass by so slowly as if oblivion isn't slow enough. Lethargic and confused, my mind is blurry and yet i feel as if i need to keep pushing forward. I dont know whether it is the gloomy weather that makes me feel like this or its just a phase in which all college students face..
i feel as if my happiness and soul has been sucked into a black hole abyss.
I really want to be happy and smile instead of being this robotic android like individual slaving away into a series of repeated day to day activities.
My mind is sucked into this monitor of life depriving monstrosity.
technology, though helpful, can be bittersweet.